Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Home-spun Facelift

Physically I feel and see my youth slipping away

As I creep closer to 46. I find myself looking in the mirror a lot. Deep crease lines along each side of my mouth, I look like a puppet. My eyelids are starting to sag a little bit too. I'm beginning to resemble my old polish aunts. I'ts kinda depressing. I don't like the whole aging thing. Aging makes me feel ...well, old.

Staring in the mirror I take my fingers and gently pull back the skin on my face and then I pull up on my eyebrows. Wow, what a difference...I look ten years younger! Damn I'm cute!

If I win the lotto I'm getting a face lift. Or a boob job. Or both!

After indulging in a few glasses of wine, home alone and bored, I occasionally give myself a "home-spun" face lift. I don't recommend this technique.

Duct tape is the secret.

I pull my skin back and duct tape it back behind my ears. The crease-lines disappear!
I lift my brows up and duct tape the skin as tight as possible along my hair line My eyes suddenly come to life. The secret to this method is to overlook the duct-tape when viewing the results.

Home-spun face lift tips:

  • Remember to remove the duct tape if you have to run out on an errand. I ran out to Walgreen's one day with tape on my face and bumped into a few neighbors; not realizing I had duct tape on my face I proceeded to carry on conversations with them. Embarrassing.
  • Don't fall asleep with the duct-tape on your face. Peeling it off in the morning it NOT a fun thing and it does remove a layer of skin which results in very strange scabs. It's likely to remove clumps of hair. Ouch!
  • Don't photograph yourself . Friends are likely to find the photos, print them and give them to you in a frame as a Christmas gift.
Oh the vanity of it all! Aging Sucks.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, don't forget: If I win the lotto, you know what my gift is to you. =)