Daughters

I have two daughters.

One is literally on my lap right now, cuddling, purring, tail in front of my screen. I'm pretty damn talented that I can type like this.


So the other daughter is on a train back home to Indiana right now. She's a riot.

Today she went to Macy's for a MAC makeup consultation and she got all done up. She made an appointment for me tomorrow which I am sure I will not make.

After her appointment she was feeling all 'gussied' and she called me.

"Meet me at the Plymouth for a drink." So I did.

Sitting at the bar, we went through all the new makeups she bought and I tried on her new lip gloss. She said it smelled like cotton candy. I say it smelled like lip gloss. Whatever.

We had a very nice time and she met lots of new friends and she danced. I enjoyed watching her. I have no interest in all of that "extra-curricular" activity.

All in all it was good night. A fun night out with my Suzy girl.

YU&77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777775.....that, my friends,was my OTHER daughter. Anxiously awaiting a night of cuddling with me.

Off I go with my furry, black friend.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Letting Go

It's hard to let go.

It's hard for me to let go.

It's hard when babies grow up.

It's hard when my babies grow up.

They let go.

I don't.

I won't. They are my heart-strings.

They make my heart sing....still.


My daughter, Susan Elizabeth, was born on a sweltering, August night in 1983. Two months early. Named after my mother and her great-grandmother.

I was young but not too young to realize, for the first time in my life, what true love really was.


Suzy's tiny body didn't match her spirit. Her spirit was and still is enormous. And the enormity of her spirit got her through some tough times in her life.

I have been, am still, and always will be there unconditionally, every step of the way, right by her side.

Her joys are my joys and her tears are my tears.

On a frigid November evening in 1984, I welcomed my son, Edward James. Named after his father.

Eddie was blessed, or blessed me, with a calm spirit.

Never demanding, always patient, this spirit still carries him through the roughest times in life.

I have been, am still, and always will be there unconditionally, every step of the way, right by his side.

His joys are my joys and his tears are my tears.

I miss my little babies. I miss rocking them at night and lulling them to sleep.

I miss kissing their soft cheeks and throwing them themed birthday parties.

I miss sewing them Halloween costumes.

I miss giving them baths and tucking them into sun-kissed, line-dried sheets.

I miss saying, "Good night, Sleep tight, Don't let the bed-bugs bite. God Bless you"

I miss tying untied shoes.

I miss going to football games and tennis tournaments.

I miss having a ton of obnoxious teenagers in my home.

My babies were my heart-strings. And now that they are all grown up and letting go I sometimes feel as if those heart-strings have been cut...and I want to tie them back together.

It's hard letting go.

But I know, for them, I have to.

A Daughter, A Mother & A Trek to the Train

Today is Mikes Birthday! Happy Birthday Mike.

Suzy came over to his place in the city and joined us for another one of my AMAZING dinners.

Ham, potatoes Au gratin and green beans smothered in onions and butter topped with slivered almonds.

Dessert was a dilapidated, yet yummy, Angel food cake with lemon icing, topped with ice-cream, cherries and chocolate sauce. Ohhhh yea! I'm the bomb!

After dinner Suzy and I had to catch a Metra train back home to Indiana.

Oh, how I hate trekking out in the cold, carrying all kinds of crap and catching trains. I hate it. It stresses me out. I always worry I'm gonna miss the train, forget something on the train or screw up the transfer and end up in Who-Knows-Where, Indiana. If I could have one super-natural power it would be instant transport with a tight blink of my eyes. I don't have a super-natural power.

Suzy on the other hand, would be perfectly content if she had to walk 5 miles, take a train with three transfers, and then hop on a bus to where ever she pleases to go. She's a happy, confident little traveler.

Round 1: Preparing to leave Mikes place.
I am in my little "panic" mode. "I'm not taking my big bag home Mike, it's too much to carry. It's gonna slow me down. And, I'll just leave my camera here too cuz I don't wanna carry it". I slip my laptop and makeup case into one of those new eco-friendly cloth grocery bags. I cram my purse into the bag too.

Meanwhile Suzy is sitting on a kitchen stool bundled up and ready to fly. I look up and see my camera bag strapped to her shoulder. She's got a green striped cloth bag loaded with all kinds of shit AND a doggie bag (compliments of me). "Jeez Ma, we're only walking like 5 blocks...what's the big deal? I'll carry the camera for you. Just RELAX! "

So, I put on my coat, then my hat, then my boots ...it's cold in Chicago this time of year. "Where are my red gloves?" I can't find my gloves! Mike politely hands me an extra pair of his and I gladly take them. Suzy gets up from the stool and I ask her "Don't you have any gloves?" She responds, "Nope, I forgot 'em. I got pockets" and, she slips her hands into her pockets. Off we go. Suzy carrying a 10 pound bag, camera case, and leftovers. Me carrying one light bag.

Round two: The Trek to the Train
Out the door I am now in my "mad dash" mode. I do not want to miss the train! Head down and shoulders hunched, wind in my face, I'm taking quick short steps.

Suzy - "Mom, we have plenty of time. We are not going to miss the train. It's only a short walk!"
Me - " I know, I know! I'm just cold! " walk, walk, walk, walk...hurry hurry hurry....
Suzy - " Uh -huh. Aren't you glad I decided to carry your camera. It's not heavy. "
Me - "Yea, thanks Suz. I don't know why I get so stressed out. I'm fine now." walk, walk, walk, walk...hurry hurry hurry....

I decide to make a mad-dash across a very busy city street and I make it to the icy meridian. I look to my left, no Suzy. I look to my right, no Suzy. I look behind me and there is Suzy. She yells to me ... "I'm not going to dodge cars and risk my life for no reason!" She gets the light and catches up to me. "Jesus mother, you're so funny! Just Relax! We've got plenty of time. " I squeeze my brows together, "I am relaxed. I'm just cold." walk, walk, walk, walk...hurry hurry hurry....

After our quick, brisk, frigid walk we finally make it to the train station. I'm sweating. "We only have to wait 16 minutes now for the train" says Suzy. I look up at her and say..."Did it only take us five minutes to get here?" Suzy rolls her eyes, laughs, "Yup". We grab a bench and wait the 16 minutes for our train to arrive. During that 16 minutes I call my son and remind him, that our train will be in at 9 pm. Lord knows, I don't want him to forget to pick us up. Suzy just stares up at me with her big green eyes, calm as a cucumber.

Final Round: On the Train
We settle into two comfy seats on the train. I'm sitting up straight as a board, in my "must stay alert mode". Bag on lap, tightly clenched and obviously very concerned. We have to transfer. I hate transfers. Where do we transfer? What if we miss our transfer? Suzy senses my concern and reassures me.

Suzy - "Mom, we transfer at 63rd street and the conductor will announce it. Really its not big deal, I do it all the time"
Me - "Are you sure it's 63rd?"
Suzy - "Yes, I am absolutely sure! I do this all the time" she giggles.
Me - "Okay"

A little idle chit-chat and then the conductor came to punch our tickets. As he was punching mine I asked "Sir, where do we transfer for South Chicago?" He responds, "63rd". Suzy looks at me in disbelief . "Good Lord Mother! I told you 63rd! " She did tell me 63rd and now so did the conductor.

Once we transfered I relaxed for the last stretch home. Suzy and I debated whether a red-wigged, 6'2" person wearing a long black overcoat and red baseball cap was a man or a woman. I said man, she said woman. She won the debate after pointing out the fur neckline on the coat. We laughed. Suzy also counted out and described every single pair of shoes that her brother's new dog destroyed. We laughed. We chatted about whether the new 150 pound pup is cute or not. He ate the new couch, had a paperplate stuck on his head after a romp in the garbage and his dried-up drool on the ottomon looks like some horny man was in the living room enjoying a healthy night of porn. I say - destructive, Suzy says - Cute. We laughed.

When the train pulled up, my son Eddie was there to pick us up. On the car ride home, Suzy and I chatted away. Not once did she mention my horrible traveling antics. Not once. Finally home, as Suz got out of the car, she peeked her head back inside, smiled wide and said...."Goodnight momma, I love you."

God, I love her too!