Saturday, August 7, 2010

I had a Dream



















I had a dream!


I had a dream that one day I was in a Food Network cup cake Wars show. I won the grand prize!
Why I had this dream I'll never know. Only the dream fairies hold the secret of why they sprinkle our minds with dream-dust while we slumber.



Anyone who knows me knows that I don't bake. I cook, I don't bake. Baking stresses me out. I only bake lopsided angelfood cake for Mike on his birthday. Baby, that's love. That's TRUE love. I'm talking about HIM....he eats it!


This dream was so vivid. I baked Pineapple upside-down cupcakes. I was wearing a floppy white bakers hat and crisp white apron. My hair was pulled up in a tight bun and I looked gorgeous. I was calm and collected. Oh, how I love to dream!!


I placed a teaspoon of melted butter in the bottom of a cupcake pan then I sprinkled brown sugar on top. I trimmed a pineapple ring to fit the mold and placed a cherry in it. Then, I poured in the batter.


I have never woke up and thought to myself , "Wow, that was an awesome dream! I'm gonna DO that". Thank goodness for that. I would be sunbathing nude, on top of my car roof, in front of my house, smoking mary-wanna if I followed up on last nights dream!



I did however follow up and actually attempted my food-network dream. I just couldn't get those cup-cakes out of my head. I told Mike about my dream and he encouraged me to go for it. So I did.

How I hate to bake. But I did. I wasn't wearing a floppy bakers hat or white apron. I was in jeans and a batter-splattered red shirt. My hair was not pulled in a tight bun but rather loose and in my eyes. But, I baked.

I followed the "dream recipe" and.....

Well a picture tells a thousand words!






Thursday, August 5, 2010

Putting Rejection into Perspective

I've been rejected. As of September 30th I am out of a job. Rejected. Not because I didn't do a good job. Not because I wasn't dependable. Outsourcing. That's it...whether I agree with it or not. I, and about 300 other collegues have been outsource. It's the corporate American, Non-American way and there's not a damned thing I can do about it.


For the past six months I knew that this has been coming. Every week or so, the company has sent an email regarding the "transition/outsoucing" process. I thought I was mentally prepared for it.

The mail came and I opened the envelope with my 60 days notice in it...well, it sucked. It felt as if a sledge hammer, with a big REJECTED stamp, popped out of that envelope, sledged me in the forehead and knocked me out cold. It hurt.

I've been in a depression since. Every day I sit on the front porch, smoking, thinking and feeling sorry for myself. I do try to put all of this insanity into perspective. I think I'm making progress. My way of "putting it into perspective" is knowing that it could be worse. Rejection sucks but...

1. My parents have loved me and supported me, even when I've really screwed up. They are always there to remind me how wonderful, talented and loved I am. When I'm feeling depressed or sad or rejected (lol) I can always count on my parents love and support. My mom is always reminding me that I have a great personality and how talented I am. I tell myself that "she's my mother, she HAS to say those things" but I have lots of friends who never heard those things from their mother.

2. My kids call me, visit me and generally like me. If they didn't want me in their lives that would be devestating. But they DO like me and want me and visit me. They tell me often how much they enjoy my cooking and their dinner time visits establish that as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


3. I have the greatest love in my life. Michael. He loves me and I love him. We enjoy laughing, cooking, chatting and being couch potatoes together. We snuggle and cuddle. He smells like Gold Dial. He laughs at how I steal the blankets at night. He loves me with or without makeup, gussied up or in mis-matched jammies all day. Michael reminds me every single day that I am love and that I am worth loving. I really WANT to spend the rest of my life with him, I enjoy every day with him and I look forward to growing very, very old with him.


4. I don't suffer. I'm never hungry or cold. I have a television, air-conditioning, heat, a stove to cook my food on, a washer and dryer and clothes to put them in. I have a roof over my head. I have a garden in my tiny yard - I have a yard! I have a computer and the internet. I have this post. I know these things seem are simple things but I have been reminding myself every day that there are so many people living in this world who don't have these simple luxuries. There are so many people in this world who truly suffer every day.

5. Last, but not least, I have hope. I hope for my parents continued support, my childrens continued admiration, Michaels continued uncondional love and I hope for the simple things in life that make me happy. I hope to find a new job

Putting things in perspective I think that even though I've been rejected, I can handle it. They don't know me, they don't love me, they don't sit down to dinner with me they really don't care about me.

That job is not my life---I thought it was.

It's just my pay-check.