What makes you feel loved?
Feeling loved is the best feeling in the world. Isn't it?
What makes ME feel loved? After all, this blog is all about me!
When he scratches my head.
Isn't that stupid? But I LOVE it. LOL!!
We're snuggled up on the couch, watching the food channel or American Idol.
We're not snuggled but rather squeeeeeeeezed on the couch. No matter--he's scratching my head!
It feels good. So good. It feels comfortable. So comfortable.
It feels right. So right.
Scratching my head.
It makes me feel loved.
It makes me feel loved by him.
It feels so damn good.
All of it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Battle of the Sinuses
Ugh! My sinuses!
Just last week Mike and I were discussing his sinus pressure and pain. I told him that I could sympathize with him because I USED to have severe sinusitis yeaarrrrrs ago. I remembered the misery and was so glaaaad I haven't any sinus problems in yeaarrrrs.
Four days ago I woke up. I woke up at 2 am, 4 am and 5:30 am. My throat was dry and sore. Water! Gimme water!
My throat was dry and sore because I was breathing through my mouth all night. Breathing through my mouth because I could NOT breathe through my nose.
I am convinced that I jinxed myself. After all these years, I've got a sinus infection. And it sucks. Actually it BLOWS. Blows, blows, blows. I've gone through two boxes of tissues!
As you can see from the picture above, my bathroom looks like a pharmacy. I am diligently fighting the Battle of the Sinuses. I'm winning! I feel a little better today!
In my fight tonight, I decided to make myself a few cups of hot, soothing, tea before bed. I added a little touch of lemon and honey just for the "comfort factor". I was so tired.
Soooooooooo Tired.
That was THREE HOURS AGO.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sunday Snuggles
This weekend I did NOTHING. I slept in late and enjoyed my thick, soft, comforting blankets wrapped around my body on a warm, Sunday morning!
I had nothing to do. NOT A DARN THING! Not only did I have those warm blankets wrapped around me but I also had the warmth of Mikes body. That to me, is THE MOST WONDERFUL way to wake up on a Sunday morning. He was sleeping and softly snoring. I love his soft snores. They comfort me.
So. I woke up and drove to Dunkin Donuts. I ordered a hot cup of coffee with skimmed milk. I came home, plopped on my couch and tuned into t.v.
He woke up. He laid on the couch and I squeezed, cuddled and snored with him for another few hours.
I had to go to the Drugstore to get sinus spray, tablets and Tylenol to treat my allergies. He offered to go but I was restless.
Once I got back home I snuggled again and then gained enough strength to make some semi-ok stuffed green peppers.
After chowing down I snuggled again. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mike had to catch the train to his apartment in the city. I drove him and said my good-byes.
I hate goodbyes.
They don't feel right.
They aren't right.
Especially after a day of Sunday Snuggles.
I had nothing to do. NOT A DARN THING! Not only did I have those warm blankets wrapped around me but I also had the warmth of Mikes body. That to me, is THE MOST WONDERFUL way to wake up on a Sunday morning. He was sleeping and softly snoring. I love his soft snores. They comfort me.
So. I woke up and drove to Dunkin Donuts. I ordered a hot cup of coffee with skimmed milk. I came home, plopped on my couch and tuned into t.v.
He woke up. He laid on the couch and I squeezed, cuddled and snored with him for another few hours.
I had to go to the Drugstore to get sinus spray, tablets and Tylenol to treat my allergies. He offered to go but I was restless.
Once I got back home I snuggled again and then gained enough strength to make some semi-ok stuffed green peppers.
After chowing down I snuggled again. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mike had to catch the train to his apartment in the city. I drove him and said my good-byes.
I hate goodbyes.
They don't feel right.
They aren't right.
Especially after a day of Sunday Snuggles.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
What I did today....
1. I woke up (that's a good thing!)
2. I made a pot of coffee (and drank it)
3. I logged into work and worked.
4. I followed my friend to the car mechanic and drove her back home.
5. I worked.
6. I went to visit my son Eddie and the dogs and enjoyed a Ceasar salad compliments of Eddie.
7. I worked.
8. I finished working.
9. I cleaned my stove and kitchen floor.
10. I made hummus.
11. I marinaded chicken tenderloins in peanut sauce.
12. I talked to Mike on the phone.
13. I picked Suzy up from the train.
14. I made grilled chicken, asparagus and potatoes and had dinner with my kids.
15. I watched American Idol.
16. I talked to my mother on the phone.
17. I poured a glass of wine.
18. I uploaded some photos on facebook.
19. I edited my latest blog.
20. I wrote this list.
2. I made a pot of coffee (and drank it)
3. I logged into work and worked.
4. I followed my friend to the car mechanic and drove her back home.
5. I worked.
6. I went to visit my son Eddie and the dogs and enjoyed a Ceasar salad compliments of Eddie.
7. I worked.
8. I finished working.
9. I cleaned my stove and kitchen floor.
10. I made hummus.
11. I marinaded chicken tenderloins in peanut sauce.
12. I talked to Mike on the phone.
13. I picked Suzy up from the train.
14. I made grilled chicken, asparagus and potatoes and had dinner with my kids.
15. I watched American Idol.
16. I talked to my mother on the phone.
17. I poured a glass of wine.
18. I uploaded some photos on facebook.
19. I edited my latest blog.
20. I wrote this list.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Cim saves the Day...and Me
It was around Mothers Day about 15 - 20 years ago.
I'm not ashamed to say that at that point in my life I was going through a major, major depression. The shades were drawn. No sunlight could seep into my life; even if someone pulled the shades up on the sunniest of summer days. I was in the deepest, darkest, dampest basement of my life. No sunshine could seep in.
Cimmy lived far away in Kansas. She always wanted me to come to visit her but I didn't. I was afraid of airplanes and not confident enough to drive alone. She'd call me and I'd talk a few minutes but have to hang up because I was so depressed I couldn't concentrate on the call. I rarely called her. To be honest I wasn't a very good friend to her at that time. I am ashamed to say that. Even though she would get pissed off and not call me for awhile, she never, ever gave up on me. Never.
Back home in Indiana I was working my hardest to fulfill the role of wife and mother. Being a mother fulfilled me. If it weren't for my kids, I probably would have curled up into a ball and just died.
I don't think anyone could understand what being in a "dark, dark place" feels like unless they have been there themselves. It's just dark. And lonely.
Sooooo, anyway. It was around Mothers Day 15 -20 years ago. That's where I started and want to begin again.
I was a stay-at-home mom and my kids were in school. I had lots to do. LOTS! I was so tired and overwhelmed.
There were AT LEAST three days worth of dishes in my sink. Dishes sitting in cold, soapy, stinky water. Dishes overflowing onto the counter top. My stove was crusty; proof of three days of cooking - dried spaghetti sauce, pancake mix, dehydrated rice and peas stuck in the metal grates and a wooden spoon glued to the stoves surface.
My counter tops didn't boast one clear area. And, I remember very specifically, a bunch of shriveled, black bananas sat in a very expensive Longaberger basket.
The kitchen floor was sticky and the kitchen table was strewn with the mornings breakfast cereal bowls, mail, hair-ties, brushes, clothes....you name it. Basically, my kitchen was a total, catastrophic, dirty MESS.
The rest of my house equalled my kitchen.
That day I had two choices:
1. Go shopping to find my mother a Mother's Day gift.
2. Tackle the kitchen and the house.
I chose shopping for my Mom. The rest would wait till I came home.
Searching, shopping, looking for a perfect gift for my mom I pushed my cart up and down the aisles.
I remember dreading going back home.
I remember how much I didn't want to have to deal with piles of dishes, a dirty stove, floor and house.
I remember being pulled back into that deep, dark, damp basement in my mind.
Ugh! I didn't want to go back home.
But I did.
When I walked in my front door the smell of lemon-fresh Pledge filled my nostrils. I dropped the paper shopping bag and peeked into my living room. Holy Crapola! Everything was dusted and vacuumed. Spotless! I felt a rush of relief and excitement.
Suzy's bedroom was spotless with clean sheets and sparkling furniture. Eddies was the same!
Piles of clean, folded laundry sat on every ones beds!
Lo and behold my kitchen....MY KITCHEN was IMMACULATE! Not a dish in the sink! My stove look brand new!
A fresh bunch of bright yellow bananas sat perfectly in my Longaberger basket.
I could lick my kitchen floor it was so clean. And my table was clear.
Except for a note.
"Dear Chris,
I came in from Kansas and wanted to surprise you with a visit. You weren't home and I waited. I got bored. I thought I'd help you out a little bit and I sure hope you don't mind. Your house looks great (ha-ha).
I love you, hang in there. You are doing a good job. You are doing the best you can!
You are going to be okay. You will get better. I promise.
I love you always,
Cimmy"
I have read that note three thousand times. I just threw it out about two years ago and how I regret that now.
Walking into that clean house renewed me. It renewed my spirit and gave me the ounce of hope and PUSH that I needed. I'm not bull-shitting when I say that THAT very day was the day I started coming out of the darkness. That day I saw the light.
I always told Cim that and she laughed. She didn't believe me.
I realize what she never did. Cim was a bright ray of sunshine in everyone's life she touched. She had a special way of caring about people and making someone feel worth-while and loved. She had a very, very unique gift. And even more importantly she never expected anything in return. She was a "giver" not a "taker".
I believe Cim's light and spirit still shines on. I feel her presence in my life everyday.
In the daytime she is the stongest ray of sunlight lending warmth to my day.
In the night time she is the brightest star twinkling, winking and dancing in the sky.
She IS looking down on those she loves. Praising us and smiling down on us.
And she knows we are looking up, singing our praises and smiling back at her.
I'm not ashamed to say that at that point in my life I was going through a major, major depression. The shades were drawn. No sunlight could seep into my life; even if someone pulled the shades up on the sunniest of summer days. I was in the deepest, darkest, dampest basement of my life. No sunshine could seep in.
Cimmy lived far away in Kansas. She always wanted me to come to visit her but I didn't. I was afraid of airplanes and not confident enough to drive alone. She'd call me and I'd talk a few minutes but have to hang up because I was so depressed I couldn't concentrate on the call. I rarely called her. To be honest I wasn't a very good friend to her at that time. I am ashamed to say that. Even though she would get pissed off and not call me for awhile, she never, ever gave up on me. Never.
Back home in Indiana I was working my hardest to fulfill the role of wife and mother. Being a mother fulfilled me. If it weren't for my kids, I probably would have curled up into a ball and just died.
I don't think anyone could understand what being in a "dark, dark place" feels like unless they have been there themselves. It's just dark. And lonely.
Sooooo, anyway. It was around Mothers Day 15 -20 years ago. That's where I started and want to begin again.
I was a stay-at-home mom and my kids were in school. I had lots to do. LOTS! I was so tired and overwhelmed.
There were AT LEAST three days worth of dishes in my sink. Dishes sitting in cold, soapy, stinky water. Dishes overflowing onto the counter top. My stove was crusty; proof of three days of cooking - dried spaghetti sauce, pancake mix, dehydrated rice and peas stuck in the metal grates and a wooden spoon glued to the stoves surface.
My counter tops didn't boast one clear area. And, I remember very specifically, a bunch of shriveled, black bananas sat in a very expensive Longaberger basket.
The kitchen floor was sticky and the kitchen table was strewn with the mornings breakfast cereal bowls, mail, hair-ties, brushes, clothes....you name it. Basically, my kitchen was a total, catastrophic, dirty MESS.
The rest of my house equalled my kitchen.
That day I had two choices:
1. Go shopping to find my mother a Mother's Day gift.
2. Tackle the kitchen and the house.
I chose shopping for my Mom. The rest would wait till I came home.
Searching, shopping, looking for a perfect gift for my mom I pushed my cart up and down the aisles.
I remember dreading going back home.
I remember how much I didn't want to have to deal with piles of dishes, a dirty stove, floor and house.
I remember being pulled back into that deep, dark, damp basement in my mind.
Ugh! I didn't want to go back home.
But I did.
When I walked in my front door the smell of lemon-fresh Pledge filled my nostrils. I dropped the paper shopping bag and peeked into my living room. Holy Crapola! Everything was dusted and vacuumed. Spotless! I felt a rush of relief and excitement.
Suzy's bedroom was spotless with clean sheets and sparkling furniture. Eddies was the same!
Piles of clean, folded laundry sat on every ones beds!
Lo and behold my kitchen....MY KITCHEN was IMMACULATE! Not a dish in the sink! My stove look brand new!
A fresh bunch of bright yellow bananas sat perfectly in my Longaberger basket.
I could lick my kitchen floor it was so clean. And my table was clear.
Except for a note.
"Dear Chris,
I came in from Kansas and wanted to surprise you with a visit. You weren't home and I waited. I got bored. I thought I'd help you out a little bit and I sure hope you don't mind. Your house looks great (ha-ha).
I love you, hang in there. You are doing a good job. You are doing the best you can!
You are going to be okay. You will get better. I promise.
I love you always,
Cimmy"
I have read that note three thousand times. I just threw it out about two years ago and how I regret that now.
Walking into that clean house renewed me. It renewed my spirit and gave me the ounce of hope and PUSH that I needed. I'm not bull-shitting when I say that THAT very day was the day I started coming out of the darkness. That day I saw the light.
I always told Cim that and she laughed. She didn't believe me.
I realize what she never did. Cim was a bright ray of sunshine in everyone's life she touched. She had a special way of caring about people and making someone feel worth-while and loved. She had a very, very unique gift. And even more importantly she never expected anything in return. She was a "giver" not a "taker".
I believe Cim's light and spirit still shines on. I feel her presence in my life everyday.
In the daytime she is the stongest ray of sunlight lending warmth to my day.
In the night time she is the brightest star twinkling, winking and dancing in the sky.
She IS looking down on those she loves. Praising us and smiling down on us.
And she knows we are looking up, singing our praises and smiling back at her.
Saturday
Saturdays.
Ahhhh....who doesn't love Saturdays? I can sleep in late, go to bed late, and make what ever I want of my day. Love it, love it, love it.
This morning I was awaken by text message from my daughter at 9:30 am.
HelllllllllOoooooooooooooooo???? Please don't text me, call me or knock on my door before noon on a Saturday. I want to sleep in!!! Can anyone relate to me when it comes to my "It's Saturday" attitude?
So, I got up at 9:30 am. Brewed a pot of fresh java and tuned into morning television while coffee was brewing. Just an FYI...I didn't respond to Suzy's text. I have not received another text or call since then. I'm so friggin' popular I can barely stand it!!
At 10:30 I started my "Cinderellas". Dishes, toilet cleaning, floor scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming, etc. Job accomplished by 1:00. It feels so good to have a clean house. I LOVE a clean house.
Now I'm typing out this quickie blog post telling everyone about my wonderful day. I'm contemplating what my next step is going to be. Shopping for a Mothers Day gift? Buy paint and splash some color in my bedroom? Anyone wanna help? Visit some friends I haven't seen in awhile? Maybe tonight I'll gussie up and go out for a few drinks. Or, maybe I'll be in my jammies by 7 , pop some corn, lay on the couch, and watch a movie. Who knows!
Gotta luv the versatility of a Saturday.
I'll keep you posted.
Ahhhh....who doesn't love Saturdays? I can sleep in late, go to bed late, and make what ever I want of my day. Love it, love it, love it.
This morning I was awaken by text message from my daughter at 9:30 am.
HelllllllllOoooooooooooooooo???? Please don't text me, call me or knock on my door before noon on a Saturday. I want to sleep in!!! Can anyone relate to me when it comes to my "It's Saturday" attitude?
So, I got up at 9:30 am. Brewed a pot of fresh java and tuned into morning television while coffee was brewing. Just an FYI...I didn't respond to Suzy's text. I have not received another text or call since then. I'm so friggin' popular I can barely stand it!!
At 10:30 I started my "Cinderellas". Dishes, toilet cleaning, floor scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming, etc. Job accomplished by 1:00. It feels so good to have a clean house. I LOVE a clean house.
Now I'm typing out this quickie blog post telling everyone about my wonderful day. I'm contemplating what my next step is going to be. Shopping for a Mothers Day gift? Buy paint and splash some color in my bedroom? Anyone wanna help? Visit some friends I haven't seen in awhile? Maybe tonight I'll gussie up and go out for a few drinks. Or, maybe I'll be in my jammies by 7 , pop some corn, lay on the couch, and watch a movie. Who knows!
Gotta luv the versatility of a Saturday.
I'll keep you posted.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Color My World
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been UNmotivated when it comes to writing.
I have to be motivated. And, as I have said, I have been very, very UNmotivated.
I have been consumed with work. I wake up to work. I work during the day and think about work when I go to sleep at night. Work, work, work. It doesn't motivate me but it does sometimes consume me. Ever feel that way?
So. Let's go back in time a little bit. I'll fill you out as to where I have been and what I've been up to.
Easter was great.
Mike and I went to my mom's house on Easter Saturday to help her prepare for Easter Sunday. The only problem was that she was already prepared. OVERLY-FIRKIN-PREPARED! There wasn't a thing for us to do! Even dessert was done! My mom is so organized and "prepared" she should and would qualify as a bonified Eagle Scout. "Be Prepared."
I got a bug-up-my-butt and wanted to color Easter eggs. I was surprised when I asked mom if she wanted to color eggs and she said "no". She used to love to do that sort of stuff and that is why I still want to do it now. I love artsy-crafty kind of stuff. It brings back great childhood memories and memories of coloring eggs with my kids when they were little (and not so little). Coloring eggs at Easter is a tradition. It's a tradition for me. So I did. And Mike, like the good sport he is, joined me!
Aren't they pretty!?!
We made an egg for EVERYONE. I was in a delightful, egg-coloring, heaven!!
Red, green, orange, yellow, and Mikes-special- stipes.
Then I made.....deviled eggs. Good-bye pretty eggs. Hello scrump-dilly-isous!
Soooo, Easter has come and passed. Blah, blah, blah.
I have to be motivated. And, as I have said, I have been very, very UNmotivated.
I have been consumed with work. I wake up to work. I work during the day and think about work when I go to sleep at night. Work, work, work. It doesn't motivate me but it does sometimes consume me. Ever feel that way?
So. Let's go back in time a little bit. I'll fill you out as to where I have been and what I've been up to.
Easter was great.
Mike and I went to my mom's house on Easter Saturday to help her prepare for Easter Sunday. The only problem was that she was already prepared. OVERLY-FIRKIN-PREPARED! There wasn't a thing for us to do! Even dessert was done! My mom is so organized and "prepared" she should and would qualify as a bonified Eagle Scout. "Be Prepared."
I got a bug-up-my-butt and wanted to color Easter eggs. I was surprised when I asked mom if she wanted to color eggs and she said "no". She used to love to do that sort of stuff and that is why I still want to do it now. I love artsy-crafty kind of stuff. It brings back great childhood memories and memories of coloring eggs with my kids when they were little (and not so little). Coloring eggs at Easter is a tradition. It's a tradition for me. So I did. And Mike, like the good sport he is, joined me!
Aren't they pretty!?!We made an egg for EVERYONE. I was in a delightful, egg-coloring, heaven!!
Red, green, orange, yellow, and Mikes-special- stipes.
Then I made.....deviled eggs. Good-bye pretty eggs. Hello scrump-dilly-isous!
Soooo, Easter has come and passed. Blah, blah, blah.
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