Just another Saturday

Today was just another Saturday.

I woke up, brewed a pot of java and got kickin' into the basic house-work duties. Cleaning, laundry, watering my flowers, etc.

My dad came downstairs to enjoy a cup of coffee with me. We sat in the yard and admired how well my basil, thyme, marjoram, green peppers and tomato's are doing. And we celebrated the fact that FINALLY one of the tomatoes is actually turning red! Yahoo.

Mom cam over at 2:30 and promptly plopped her ass on my couch. She's going through a new chemo and it's just draining all of her energy. She can't feel her fingers or toes and once again, she's losing her hair. Its a bummer and she is kind of depressed. But even though she's dealing with all the downsides of cancer I think mom is a real tough cookie. She did make a brilliant olive tampinade which we enjoyed immensely. Take a cracker, spread a little goat cheese on it and top it with the olive tampinade. A little slice of Heaven is what it is. "Mother's heavenly Tampinade".

I made a potato salad, grilled some chicken and boiled up some crunchy, sweet corn on the cob for dinner. Me, mom, dad and Mike ate and ate and ate. We smothered that corn with butter and salt. Oh holy Jesus, it was good. After dinner we took a after-dinner nap. Nothing beats those naps I tell you.

Mike flew off to work at 8:30 pm, dad snuck off back to his upstairs apartment and Mom & I watched a re-run of the new Project Runway.

Now, I'm in bed chillen. Mom's in bed snoring.

It was just another Saturday spent with some of the people I love most.

Why Is It?

That's me. Yup, THAT IS ME! I believe that is the most horrible photo I have ever taken and, I'm posting it for the purpose of my post.

As bad as I look in THAT photo, I looked even worse this past weekend!! Yup, I say, worse.

Last weekend was Pierogi fest here in tiny, itty, bitty, Whiting, Indiana. It's a big deal here. Pierogi fest had made the Food Channel, WTTW Wild Chicago and so on. As a result of all this publicity it has become a very popular event. So popular that everyone in the Midwest (and their mother) wants to attend this magnificent event.

My family requested that I save some parking spots for them for this very special occasion and I did. I woke up on Saturday morning, put some chairs out front. Then I proceeded to do my normal Saturday routine. Put my hair up in a bun, donned my nastiest jeans, and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned. I was sweaty, no make-up on, dirty fingernails and dead-beat tired when my family showed up for their parking space. Ohhhhhhhhhh....I was UGLY. Stinky, dirty, undignified, downright scary-ugly!

So they came and, they invited me out. "No, no, I don't really want to go out. I'm stinky, dirty, undignified and scary-ugly." Is what I said.

"Oh, who gives a shit. Come on out and have a good time" is what they said.

And I listened. And at Pierogi Fest I bumped into every, single person I've ever known in my life.

I bumped into...

My ex-husband
My niece
My-ex-sister-in-law
My ex -bother-in-laws
My old college friends
My friends I haven't seen in a yer
My kids
All of my kids friends

Like I said, I bumped into EVERYONE and I looked my lowest of lows total CRAP-O-LA.

So why is that? Why did this happen? I could have looked my very best.

Even though this happened and I looked my very worst, I FELT good. I was happy. I was out and about, not all wrapped up in my physical persona and very wrapped up with my emotional being. I was having a good time with my family. I enjoyed re-connecting with old family and friends.

I felt sort of naked in a way.

Embarrassed, but Free.

I had a great time

Movin Out, Movin On and Movin In

So...................................................................

I haven't written in awhile. It feels good to write again. It feels good to find the time to write again. It feels good watching Food Network, logged in, and writing on my blog!

So the story goes.

My dad, a.k.a., "Da Polak" was rushed to the emergency room in early March. He FINALLY hit "rock bottom" and checked himself in. YAY for Da Polak. That takes courage my friends. Especially at age 73. He did it, he done it and he done did it. And, he's not had a sip since. I'm proud of him.

Prior to dad's hospitalization I had been driving about an hour and a half on weekends to go visit/care for dad. I'd do his laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc... I know I shouldn't say this, but.....It was a major P.I.A. Ugh. I didn't like driving 3 hours on my weekends.

Anyhoot, Dad checked himself in and was in hospital care for 2 weeks. After that, he came to stay with me because he couldn't be alone. He could barely walk due to hip, back and balance problems. No way in hell was he going to be alone again. Away from family, friends and lonliness. Wasn't gonna happen. So, he moved on in with me. I had an extra bedroom so it was no biggie. Well, it was an adjustment to. That bedroom is directly across from my own bedroom and I was pretty used to "getting my groove on" whenever, however, as loud ever, as I wanted to. The groove had to lose its ..."oooooooove". LOL.

Well in between this time, my Man found a new job at the casino, I got word that I'm losing my job in September and I bought a house. Not in that order. I wouldn't have bought a house if I knew my company was going to outsource nearly all IT to another country. That's corporate America for ya! But hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles....and I'm the cookie---and I'm crumbling! NOT.

So, here I am this July 19th. Dad is moved into the apartment that's above my home. He's got some groovy new furni

ture and I've got my "groove" back.

Life is good. I'm still working through September and collecting a paycheck. My love is dealing cards and loving it.

My dad is snoring in his comfy new apartment. And I am cuddled up with my BFF cat, Thelma, watching Old Time Movie Classics. Life is good.

My "Three Little Dwarfs"

I hope my children know how cherished they are.

I hold them in the palm of my hands, in the palm of my heart, every single day. Not a day in my life has passed that I haven't had a thought of them. The thought may be fleeting, but it's a thought.

Although I didn't actually give birth to him, Ian is my oldest. He is my "Grumpy little Dwarf". Ian was and still is THE BEST big brother a mother could wish for (that's him on the left tying his little brothers tie!). Ian is the one I think I had to fight hardest for--I rarely won when I fought for him, but I did fight. It's hard to get a smile or a kind word out of him. But,I think that, out of all three of my kids he's actually the most sensitive and kind and generous. Ian is a family man, he's his father's son, and stands strong to his beliefs and values. He doesn't mince words and sometimes that can hurt the person on the recieving end of his line. To know him, is to love him and Ian does love fiercly in his own, grumpy kind of way. He's a lucky fellow--because he has TWO mom's that love him fiercly---I'm the second one!

Now to my "pickle in the middle"..... Suzy. As of lately, she's my "Sneezy little Dwarf". Poor Suz. She struggles with all sorts of sinus pain and work issues and headaches. I feel bad for her. I wish I could make all of her troubles go away-- but I can't. So I listen, empathize and wish the troubles could be mine and not hers. Now don't get me wrong! Suzy still goes out with her friends and gets "happy"too. She calls me almost every day and if she doesn't call me then I worry like any mama would. Suzy has a enormous heart, enormous energy and an enormous zest for life! Suzy - like Ian- has strong family values. Her family is her heart.

Last, but not least, is Eddie. My youngest son. The protected "little brother" of Ian and Suzy. Hmmm....how can I explain Eddie? Well, as of lately, he's been my "Happy little Dwarf". Even though he graduated over a year ago and can't find a "real" job....

Eddie has been busy cooking at home, sleeping-in late and making lots-o-cash bartendering. Eddie took me out to dinner tonite. We shared a spicy Mexican meal which resulted in a race to the bathroom upon our return home. Eddie seems to be the most content in his life. I don't know if that's a GOOD thing but, as a mother, things could be worse. I am just happy that he's not all "down and out in Beverly Hills (or Whiting, Indiana)". I'd rather him be content and happy because life is a treasure and one may as well be fucking HAPPY living it!

Eddie also has strong family values. He cherishes Mr. Grumpy, Ms. Sneezy, his Father and Me.

And so this story ends. Cherish those that you love...Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Doc, Sleepy, Dopey or Happy and, if she may come along.....Snow White (that would be ME!)

Christmas 2009 in Pictures

Turning 47...

Tomorrow I turn the big 47. Ugh! 47 is old. 47 is almost over-the hill.

Mom invited me over for dinner. I'm so glad to say that at 47 I still have my mom around. She (as I have said in past posts) is my "greatest fan".

Mom made a wonderful meal to celebrate my birthday. Leg of Lamb, deeeee-lish Greek, roasted potatoes, home-made creamed spinach to-die-f0r and a maaaaavelous salad with home-made dressing. Not only that, momma also made a chocolate truffle cheese cake FROM SCRATCH! Yea! She's The Bomb! She threw the best party that a girl could ever ask for! Mom threw me a SURPRISE PARTY! Thanks Mom!

On top of that, I also got the weirdest gift from her. An egg-cooker. Yes folks, I said an EGG COOKER. According to mom, it make the most perfect egg. LOL! A weird gift indeed! But at 47, who gives a rats ass!!! I loved it and it made me smile and laugh. Maybe I'll finally cook a "perfect" egg! We're always looking for that "perfect egg" in life, aren't we?

I've accomplished a lot in these 47 years. I had a pretty good childhood, survived my awkward and sometimes painful teenage years, got married at twenty and raised three kids. They are good kids. I like them (most of the time) now that they are adults. I've been to school, got me educated, worked a few jobs, made a few friends and fell in and out and back in love.

But most of all I have found that in every day of living there is learning. Learning more about myself, being comfortable with who I am and who I choose to be.

I am more comfortable now, then ever, accepting myself for who I am.

I am caring. I am loving. I have made mistakes. I am an enthusiastic cook. I am a hidden artist. I am silly. I am a good daughter. I am a good mother. I am intuitive. I don't respond well to authority figures. I am independient. I am not serious when I need to be. I pull away when I shouldn't. I am a home-body. I am not confident. I am sometimes a loner. I am dedicated. I take silent critism seriously. I'll take on any challenge if I am challenged. I am nostalgic. I am a peace keeper. I am my worst critic. I am proud.

But most of all,

and you may disagree,

I am generous,

I am compassionate

I am humble.

I am myself as I see myself to be

I am ME.

Dear Cim

Dear Cim,

A year ago today you left this wonderful world. In your mind it wasn't such a wonderful place anymore. You were suffering so much pain and angst. I can't say I understand the choice you made but I can't say that I'm angry with you either. All I can say is that I love you and it makes me sad that you're not here.

I miss you.

Not a day has gone by since last September 27th that I haven't thought of you. Most of my thoughts are memories of what we shared growing up together. I know how lucky I am to have had you as a very best friend during my teenage years, as young a young adult and as an "old bag". You were wild, funny, uninhibited, hot-tempered, forgiving and loving. You, my dear friend, were the "whole package" to me.

I miss you.

You're laugh still dances in my head. When I'm super-stressed, super-pissed, super-drunk, super-stupid....I hear your laugh. I feel you laughing at me. I feel you enjoying every single minute of all my bullshit. That laugh. I don't only feel fit, I see it . Dimpled and wide, head flung back as you flip your hair back off of your shoulders.

I miss you.

Time keeps ticking away and everyone you loved and knew are living their lives without you. It's what we have to do, we have no choice in the matter. You've missed a lot in this past year. A Halloween, a Thanksgiving, Birthdays, a Christmas, a New Year, a Valentines Day, a Easter, a Family Vacation to Gulf Shores, a 4th of July, and so much more. I know how much you loved the holidays. You decorated to the hilt, set the grandest of tables and cooked the most marvelous meals. You missed a lot and you're going to miss a whole lot more as the years pass.

I miss you.

I have to be very honest when I say that my belief in heaven isn't very concrete. I'm not so sure about the whole after-life thing. But I hope I'm wrong. I hope that you are somewhere way above the clouds and stars far beyond anywhere my eyes can see. I hope you are in the most beautiful place with soft, pink and purple skies, aqua seas, white beaches and a warm sun that is kissing your delicate skin. I hope you are happy and at peace. I hope, of all hopes, you are happy and...laughing.

I miss you.

Love and Peace,
Chrissa