Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thinking Too Much

One should never take life too seriously.

For the last few days I have been.

Thinking too much. Thinking about where I have been and where I am at.

Thinking about whether I like where I am at. Three days ago I was content. Today I am not. Today I am thinking too much.

It's so weird how the actions of people in my life affect my day to day emotions.

I wonder if that is a good thing. I don't think it is.

All I know is how I feel.

I feel mad. I feel sad. I feel like a wasted lonely soul. Woe is me. Shame on me.

Fact is that I just feel alone. And, for once, I don't feel like trudging and traveling to go visit someone to ease my own loneliness or theirs. I want SOMEONE to come to me. But they are not coming. They know I am lonely, and crabby and bored and need them. But they are NOT coming.

Like I said. I am thinking too much. But maybe, just maybe I need to think about these thing. I shouldn't always be so casual in my thoughts about them. My casual ways bring me to where I am at right now. Not so casual. I am thinking. Think, think, think.


- said...

someone once wrote Big Blue's age old motto THINK on my wall...after staring at it for weeks, while sitting on the most comfortable seat in the house, i climbed up on a step stool and added DON'T before it. That seemed to help, sort of the inverse of Nike's "Just Do It" campaign.

A couple of month's later, someone added on to the graffiti: on the wall to the right, so that it wrapped around and could only be seen when looking up at the corner, "you'll only screw it up" was scrawled in cursive. i was told that this was a movie quote, but have never been able to attribute it properly.

sometimes when the mind-funk hits me strong, like a bad stink-stank-stunk that you just can't get away from, i find myself staring at that corner. it has been painted over for quite awhile, but somehow when i can find the ability to FOCUS (to use another corporate-speak from Big Red), i use all three parts of this phrase as a mantra to cloud out all of the crappy thinking that is getting in the way of being functional. i'll start with repeating THINK and see where it takes my mind...then i'll move onto DON'T THINK and finally the whole kit & kaboodle of all seven words: DON'T THINK - you'll only screw it up

so, if you ever see me standing and starting up at a corner in a deep trance, you'll know a little bit of what's going on in the old, scrambled cranium! it sucks to be in that space and be alone, but it ALWAYS passes. ugh.

Anonymous said...

I'll come hang out with ya sometime.