Dear Cim

Dear Cim,

A year ago today you left this wonderful world. In your mind it wasn't such a wonderful place anymore. You were suffering so much pain and angst. I can't say I understand the choice you made but I can't say that I'm angry with you either. All I can say is that I love you and it makes me sad that you're not here.

I miss you.

Not a day has gone by since last September 27th that I haven't thought of you. Most of my thoughts are memories of what we shared growing up together. I know how lucky I am to have had you as a very best friend during my teenage years, as young a young adult and as an "old bag". You were wild, funny, uninhibited, hot-tempered, forgiving and loving. You, my dear friend, were the "whole package" to me.

I miss you.

You're laugh still dances in my head. When I'm super-stressed, super-pissed, super-drunk, super-stupid....I hear your laugh. I feel you laughing at me. I feel you enjoying every single minute of all my bullshit. That laugh. I don't only feel fit, I see it . Dimpled and wide, head flung back as you flip your hair back off of your shoulders.

I miss you.

Time keeps ticking away and everyone you loved and knew are living their lives without you. It's what we have to do, we have no choice in the matter. You've missed a lot in this past year. A Halloween, a Thanksgiving, Birthdays, a Christmas, a New Year, a Valentines Day, a Easter, a Family Vacation to Gulf Shores, a 4th of July, and so much more. I know how much you loved the holidays. You decorated to the hilt, set the grandest of tables and cooked the most marvelous meals. You missed a lot and you're going to miss a whole lot more as the years pass.

I miss you.

I have to be very honest when I say that my belief in heaven isn't very concrete. I'm not so sure about the whole after-life thing. But I hope I'm wrong. I hope that you are somewhere way above the clouds and stars far beyond anywhere my eyes can see. I hope you are in the most beautiful place with soft, pink and purple skies, aqua seas, white beaches and a warm sun that is kissing your delicate skin. I hope you are happy and at peace. I hope, of all hopes, you are happy and...laughing.

I miss you.

Love and Peace,
Chrissa